Sunday, June 24, 2012

I want to be the bigger person

I gave a lesson on forgiveness today to the teenage girls at church. In preparing for the lesson it made me realize I need to work on it myself, especially one person I have in mind.  This person I have not spoken to in several years now, but was once a big part of my life.  Our final falling out was dramatic and ugly and painful.  She said some really hurtful things.  I'm sure she felt judged, embarrassed and alone at the time.  I was just hurt that the circumstances that got us to that point were not honest and open.  I'm still hurt by that.  I'm hurt that she took a decision that should have been mine to make away from me and just decided that she knew what I'd have done/said anyway.  She may have been right, I may have surprised her; the point is now, we'll never know and now there's a chasm filled with ugly, hurtful words and feelings between us.

There are days still that I miss her terribly.  There's a hole in my heart that no one will be able to fill but her.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should 
hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the 
older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
- Mary Schmich 

I'm not ready to forgive yet, but I'm now willing to work to get myself there.