Thursday, October 19, 2006

An Epiphany

Okay. I now know that I’ve really got to lighten up. I’ve been in an Oingo Boingo mood lately (like listening to them non-stop while I’m driving around) and yesterday I decided that I'm in this mode because they make me so happy. Megh is officially done with her pity party and decided that she’s going to pretend everything is okay. If I don’t believe it, that’s fine. Here’s why…

When I broke up with my high school boyfriend of 2 1/2 years I was in a bad place. I had lost all self confidence that I had ever held (not a lot, but I wasn’t some self-hating doofus either). All I saw myself as was "D's girlfriend". It’s all I felt I was to anyone, so by not being with him, I had major issues. I hung out with 2 guy friends who turned out to not be the greatest friends overall, but they were just what I needed right then in my life. One of them had this thing for liking girls that he had no chance of ever getting (for various reasons) and ended up being an emotional leaches (thusly why I don’t speak to him anymore). He had one redeeming quality he had a great self-confidence that bordered on conceit… not quite there, but almost. He was modest enough to keep from you wanting to slap him silly. He knew I was having identity issues and told me one thing that has stuck with me for the last several years, and although I don’t always follow it, I know it works. “Act like you’re the shit, if you do it long enough you’ll learn to believe it.”

Sure enough, after a few months of acting as cocky as I could possibly stand to be, I knew I was worth something. I loved who I was and decided I’d be happy to just be me. No need for dudes, I’m fine single. Matthew asked me out a few weeks later. LOL

Anyway, my point is, if I pretend to be happy long enough… I will be. This whole thing dawned on me while driving to school yesterday afternoon. I decided that today would be the first day of the rest of my life and to take each day the same way. I get to start over every morning.

Last night I was driving home and waiting in the left turn lane behind a white Neon. The arrow turned green and the guy in front of me pulled out. Something told me to wait. Out of nowhere a dark sedan comes barreling down the street, clips the front of the Neon and goes on its merry way. No one was hurt and it didn’t seem to do too much damage to the car (although I totally feel for the guy because that TOTALLY sucked that the other car didn’t stop) but I got a “Part B” to my epiphany from that afternoon, life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Had that guy been another 3 feet further forward, he would have died. There is no doubt in my mind because of how fast that car was going. My car probably would’ve been involved too. Very scary and humbling. I'm not going to waste my life on stressing on little stuff, just take it a day at a time and try to make it the best day possible as I go along.

1 comment:

Laura said...

this theory goes along with what i believe. If you smile long enough for no reason you will feel better, happier. Good luck! :)